dOnt WorRy...

What is the thing that scares you the most? My list is longer than my monthly grocery list. I do. I am scared of so many things and one of it is I am sacred that I am not able to take care of my parents just the way they took care of me.

When I was young, I mean during teenagers time (it have to be teenagers coz I must be a disturbed child to be thinking of this matter when I was 5 rite?) never once I think it occurs to me that taking care of parents could be scary. I mean… its not that my parents are now incapable or anything but…will I be able to be a good, faithful daughter till the rest of their life. The most important thing…will I be able to take care of my mum the way my mum took care of her mum until the moment Tok lafaz her last kalimah lying on my mum’s lap? Will I? Really scares the shit out of me that I actually have tears in my eyes now…(himself is 5 meters away and he think I am crying because I am watching a sad movie that I am due to finish up the subtitle in a day time)

When I was a kid (referring to age below 16yrs yeah), I was closer to papa. Why? Because my mum was so strict that I remember she locked me out during one fine maghrib punishing me over minor mistakes I am sure (I was a good kid. Betul…sumpah tak tipu) I was an artist with zillions of mosquitoes swarming… I was rescued by my uncle who is also my best friend. I mean I remember my late grandfather visiting me every other day and only now I realized that he was making sure that my mum didn’t ‘bully’ me. (other than mummy being his fav daughter and he is missing her after she got married at the age of 18). I was scared of my mum. Realllyyyyy scared that I once faked my report card because I was scared that I didn’t get top 3 and I only managed to get number 8 at that time.

I actually started missing my mum when I went to MRSM. And she went to Mecca when I was in form 4 and I remember crying and screaming asking my dad to pick me up from hostel. Out of the bluest moon, I was missing my ‘garang’ mum. And we started growing closer since then.

I know why she was garang. Now I know why. She wants the best of her only kid and she want me to be able to live life without the support of other siblings. But the way she did it…it took me almost 30 yrs of my life to finally understand that. I mean papa was very obvious. I know he has been molding me to be independent since day 1. He always wants me to know that there is no such advantage of being the only child. But mum… I realized that now and I hope she also realized that I will be there for her and papa… and I promise that I will try my very best. I am glad that I marry a guy who loves my family whole-heartedly. A guy who devote unconditional love to both family, his and mine.

I hope, I will be able to hold my parents hand until the rest of their life, if I survived longer, that is. And if I don’t, I pray to you God, that my parents will be well taken care of, even if I am not there to hold their hands…